Hello, My Name Is
by SylvanDaggers
Summary: Edward Elric. Wait, no. Pretend you didn't hear that. The name's Dumbledore. Right...Minerva, this isn't working. I know I need to fill in for the headmaster until he comes back, but I'm not really cut out to run a school. Do I really look like Dumbledore to everyone else? Truth is going to have some explaining to do when–not if–I make it back...And who is this "Voldemort" guy?
1. Appearances can be Deceiving

a/n: Hello! This is for all of you who reviewed on Mixtape that you wanted a separate story for Dumbledore Switch. I know I should be updating other stories rather than adding more, but...write what I can write, right? I figured you guys would be more interested in an update in something rather than no updates at all (for a while).  
Many thanks to those of you who have reviewed and favorited my other stories. Your suggestions and encouragements fuel my writing. I hope you enjoy!

Warning: If you have read the bits of Dumbledore Switch in Mixtape, the first two chapters of this will be the same as there.

Disclaimer: It may come as a shock, but I own neither Harry Potter nor Fullmetal Alchemis. Though I wish I could make a living off of this, no profits are coming my way–illegal transmutations of gold or no.

Quick key:

~o(0)o~ = change in view point  
~~~v~~~ = time skip

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Appearances Can be Deceiving**

"Awww…" Head pounding behind his closed eyelids, Edward Elric rolled off the smooth stone floor onto his hands and knees. "…what the hell happened…happened…" He had opened his eyes, looking around at the unfamiliar room filled with moving pictures, lined with bookshelves, and cluttered with strange objects that either glowed (which was strange enough) or floated (which was impossible). "…Crap."

~o(0)o~

Hagrid stood uneasily outside of Dumbledore's office, debating on whether or not he should knock. He had just returned from helping young Harry get his school supplies in order, and he was anxious to finally hand over the Philosopher's Stone to the headmaster, but…

"&$%*#!" The string of muffled cursing (which Hagrid was at least relieved to recognize as the non-magical sort) had been going strong for over five minutes now, and it seemed unlikely that it would be stopping any time soon

"Hagrid?" Hagrid jumped at the sound and turned to face Professor McGonagall. "What are you doing out here?"

"Ah, Professor." Hagrid glanced at the closed door. "Well, you see..." He tailed off when he saw that the transfiguration teacher wasn't listening to him anymore. Instead, judging by the way her face reddened beneath her wide-brimmed hat, she appeared to have heard some of what Dumbledore was saying.

"Professor Dumbledore!" Without waiting for permission or even knocking, Minerva shoved past Hagrid and slammed open the door. "What in Merlin's name are you doing in here!"

Slipping in behind his old teacher, Hagrid watched as Dumbledore jumped in surprise at their sudden entrance and took on a guarded stance, arms coming up as if he preparing to block a punch. "What's going on here?!" The old man's voice was abnormally harsh as his gaze darted between Hagrid and Minerva.

"Um, I'm just devliverin' the package you asked me to pick up, Professor." Hagrid began, stepping forward and setting the paper-wrapped package on the desk in front of the ancient wizard.

"Right. The package. That I wanted you to give me." Dumbledore squinted at the parcel from behind his spectacles and slowly reached forward. Still looking between the package and Hagrid, the professor carefully untied the string and removed the paper around the Stone. The second the crimson gem was revealed, Dumbledore flinched.

"This is–!"

Hagrid nodded. "The Philosopher's Stone. Got it from Gringotts like you asked." Behind him, McGonagall remained back by the door. She seemed to be observing Dumbledore with the same suspicion the headmaster had shown the package.

Gingerly, Dumbledore picked up the Stone. "Do you know what this is?"

Hagrid stared at the headmaster. "I just told you, Professor." Hagrid thought the old wizard was acting very strange, but it _was_ Dumbledore…

"No," The headmaster shook his head. "Do you know _how_ this is made?"

"Headmaster," Now McGonagall stepped away from the door, "You know as well as anyone that Nicholas and yourself are the only ones to have studied alchemy for decades."

"Right. Of course." Dumbledore edged away from the transfiguration teacher, the Stone held tightly in his grip. "Then if this is destroyed, no one will be able to make another?"

Hagrid cocked his head. "Why would you ask–"

 _SLAM! CLAP!_ Dumbledore smashed the Stone onto his desk and clapped his hands together. To Hagrid's amazement, when Dumbledore touched the Stone again, red sparks crackled and spun around the desk. The Professor could do wandless magic now?

Before he or McGonagall could say anything, a blinding flash of light filled the room. When Hagrid's eyes refocused, Dumbledore's desk was gone...along with the Stone. The headmaster stood over the place where his desk once sat, breathing heavily but looking oddly pleased with himself.

"Professor..." Hagrid began.

"Hagrid." Minerva's hand was suddenly on his shoulder, guiding him towards the door. "You should leave us for now. I'm sure there are things you need to prepare before the students arrive."

"Well, yes..." Hagrid made his way reluctantly to the stairs. "But what just–"

"Thank you, Hagrid." The groundskeeper managed one more concerned glance at Dumbledore before McGonagall shut the door. What just happened?

~o(0)o~

"Who are you?" The strangely dressed woman dropped her neutral facade as soon as the door closed behind the bushy-haired man who could have rivaled Major Armstrong in size.

Ed searched for an answer, trying to remember who they had mistaken him for. "Ah...Professor Mumbleroar?" The alchemist winced: even to his own ears he sounded unconvincing.

"No. You are not." The woman drew a slim stick out of the folds of her robes and pointed it at Ed's chest. _A weapon?_ "I'll only ask one more time: who are you, and why are you pretending to be Professor Dumbledore? It seems sloppy for an impersonator not to know their own target."

"I–" Things were moving too fast. One minute, Ed had been fighting beside Mustang in an secret chamber underground Central; the next, and the gold-toothed doctor was grinning at him as a portal of Truth opened beneath Ed's feet. But now? _Now?_ Here he was, in a completely different–not to mention in some parts physically impossible–room, having just destroyed a Stone, and this random stranger thought it was a good idea to yell at him! "Why the hell do you think I'm impersonating anybody?!"

The woman's eyes narrowed, but the stick did not waiver. "Are you claiming to normally look exactly like Albus Dumbledore?"

Ed gave himself a quick once-over. Yep, everything was still in place. Whatever had happened, Truth hadn't even had the decency to fix the tears in his clothes. "Maybe..." he began, "What does this 'Albus Dumbledore' person look like?"

Irritation flashed across the woman's face. "I don't have the patience to deal with this foolishness. _STUPIFY!"_

Red light shot out from the tip of the woman's stick, and Ed barely managed to get his automail up in time to block. The strange energy bounced off the prosthetic with a hiss, and the woman simply stared at Ed, stunned. Ed however, had also run out of patience.

The distance between them vanished as Ed sprinted forward, keeping low to avoid any more blasts, and before Minerva had time to blink she had been slammed to the ground. Ed pressed his automail to the woman's throat, having decided that the simple pressure of the metal would be enough to dissuade resistance without transmuting the blade. "Where. The hell. Am I?"

~o(0)o~

Minerva barely had time to register the fact that her stunning spell had been miraculously deflected when she found herself on the ground. Albus crouched over her, but the second his right arm touched her throat–

"Where. The hell. Am I?"

Oh, now she could see it–see _him_. Her eyes widened as the illusion of Dumbledore faded away to reveal a young man in torn and bloodied cloth. Tired golden eyes filled with confusion and a hint of rage peered out from behind matted and dirtied bangs of the same color. There was a cut above the young man's eye that seeped with crimson down his angular features, but he ignored it in favor of pressing his armored forearm harder into her throat.

"How do I get back to Central?"

Minerva's gaze twitched to her wand, but the instant the blond noticed where she was looking, the piece of fir was kicked from her hand.

"Where–" The witch tried to choke out. It was getting hard to breathe. "Where is Central?"

The blond's frown deepened. "It's in the capitol." Seeing the confused look on her face, he continued. "In Amestris. Next to Xing? Land-locked by Aerugo, Dracma, Creta, and the Eastern Desert?"

"I know none of those places." Minerva admitted. "You are a far way from home, Imposter."

The blond cursed, looking desperately around the room, as if seeking something familiar. Finally, he turned his gaze back on her. "Look. I don't want to hurt you." If anything, the young man's eyes seemed to lose some of their luster, and he didn't even bother trying to respond to her jibe at his identity. "If you promise you won't try anything with that stick of yours I'll let you get up. Deal?"

Minerva weighed her options. It would have been one thing if she knew where Dumbledore was or what had happened to the Stone, but as things stood, she was at this stranger's mercy whether or not she was being held at the throat. "Deal."

~o(0)o~

Ed was relieved that she had accepted his offer so quickly, and immediately pulled his automail from her skin. The woman sat up warily, rubbing her throat while her eyes never left the alchemist.

"So...names?" Ed prodded.

"Minerva McGonagall."

Strange. But the Fullmetal Alchemist had heard stranger. "Edward Elric." There was no reaction to his name, which at this point really shouldn't have surprised him.

"Hogwarts."

"Excuse me?"

"That's where you are: the office of Headmaster Albus Dumbledore at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry in Scotland."

Ed let himself process that for a minute. "Alright. I've never heard of Scotland. What were you people doing with a philosopher's stone?"

"The headmaster wanted to guard it. What have you done with it?"

"Guard it?" Ed snorted, "Listen, lady. People do not just 'guard' philosopher's stones: they either use 'em or destroy 'em. I chose the latter."

Minerva opened her mouth, but then hesitated. "I...I agree. I had cautioned Albus that it should be destroyed, not locked away, but he didn't–"

"Wait, _magic_?" Ed's brain caught up to what Minerva had said, "I must have heard you wrong, because it sounded like you said this was a school for ' _witchcraft_ and _wizardry_ '."

The woman scrunched her eyebrows in confusion. "That–that's exactly what I said."

Ed couldn't help the grin that crept onto his face. "Because magic exists." He teased.

"It does." Minerva responded, her face completely serious.

Ed's grin faded. "Right, and I'm a wizard."

"And I'm a witch."

Ed's smile fell completely. This woman wasn't lying. But if she wasn't... He remembered the various floating objects in the office, and he was pretty sure the stick she had been waiving was a wand, and... "Crap, how the hell did Truth screw me over this time."

* * *

a/n: The hesitant update schedule is once a week, so I'll see you again in a few days!


	2. I Have No Quirrel With You

a/n: Well would you look at that: this is coming out on time for once.  
For those of you who read ASIA, you may have noticed the shorter chapter length. Yeah...it's just so much easier to get my thoughts onto the page when the story can come in little snippets of scene. Thanks again to all of you who read, favorite, and review these stories. Let's get on with it then!

Key:  
~o(0)o~ = change in viewpoint  
~~~v~~~ = time skip

* * *

 **Chapter 2: I have no Quirrel with You**

" _Lumos."_ The word sounded ridiculous to the alchemist, but even as he said it a light sprang from the tip of the elder-wood wand. Beside him, McGonagall nodded encouragingly and flipped to the next page in the spell book.

It had taken some convincing from both parties, but eventually they had arrived at several conclusions: Dumbledore was missing (who knew McGonagall would still try to cancel every enchantment in the book?), Ed had no way back (at the moment), and magic was real (that one had taken Ed a long time to accept). From there, it had taken a relatively short time to form a plan of action.

" _Wingardium Leviosa!"_

Thus, McGonagall was teaching Ed magic, and until the time when either Dumbledore returned or the alchemist found a way back to his own world, Ed would for all intents and purposes serve as Hogwarts's Headmaster. Could they have convinced the wizarding world that Dumbledore was missing? Maybe, but certainly not without causing mass panic. Their decision was made all the more easy when they discovered that to everyone except Minerva, Ed still looked exactly like the headmaster.

"I think that will be all today, Elric." With a flick of her wand the witch organized the pile of textbooks and sent them flying into their appropriate positions on the office's shelves. "Professor Quirrel is supposed to arrive at Hogsmead today, and it would be best for me to meet him at the gates." The ' _before you do'_ hung in the air, but the tension that would have been there a week ago was gone.

For obvious reasons, the transfiguration teacher was now running the business side of Hogwarts. Apparently, she had been doing so for years, and now that Dumbledore was gone she could focus on improving school policies directly rather than trying to weasel agreements out of the fast-aging headmaster. Ed had been suspicious of how well the woman had taken the loss of the headmaster, but when he saw how competently she was handling the position, he had realized that the headmaster was probably the one holding her back. After working so long under Mustang, Ed could sympathize with those who held ambitions for higher positions, and Minerva seemed to sense that in him.

Really, it was little wonder that Minerva hadn't been placed in the position of Headmaster before Ed had come into the picture.

"Anything you need me to do while you're gone?"

Minerva shook her head, "I wouldn't take away from your research."

The witch left the study, and Ed turned to face the shelves upon shelves in the headmaster's office he had yet to look through. When he had explained more about his world, Minerva had been kind enough to refer some books about alchemy (or what passed for alchemy here) from the school library. However, the _real_ gold mine was in the books Dumbledore owned written by Nicolas Flammel. With a little luck, Ed thought he would he able to find the journals, decode whatever protections were around them, and head back home before the wizarding world could notice.

The alchemist was just pulling out a thick volume of _Madeline's Mystical Madeleines_ (because why not start with the most glaring cliché of translating an alchemical cookbook) when the door opened again.

"Did you miss something, Minerva?"

"P-professor Dumbledore, it's p-p-pleasant to see y-y-you."

Well, _that_ wasn't Minerva. Ed swung around to face a nervous man in dark purple robes, a lighter-colored turban generously wrapped around his head. The man was wringing his hands as his eyes darted around the office, and when Ed took a step towards him he nearly jumped.

"Are you–" The question caught in the alchemist's throat, any idea of the words he was going to say lost as a sense of _wrongness_ flooded over him. It was like a wild beast, grasping and pulling desperately at everything around it to…to…live? It didn't seem dead, but it was just as clearly not alive. Ed tried to identify the source: bookshelf? _No._ Pensive closet? _No._ His desk? _No._

No matter where he looked, Ed's eyes were drawn back to the nervous man. But why would it…?

The man sent him a trembling smile. "Is e-everything alright, P-professor?"

 _There!_ It came as a whisper at the corner of the alchemist's mind, a faint hiss hidden within the stutter of the man's words. Almost as if there was more than one person speaking.

"Who are you."

The man shied away from the cold glare that suddenly sprang into Ed's gaze. "W-what d-d-do you m-m-mean?"

Ed stepped forward with a growl. "I wasn't talking to you." He could see the darkness around the man now, a presence that didn't belong to the man– didn't belong to this world.

Before the man could speak again, the alchemist was beside him, metal fist curling around his robes. Golden eyes pierced through the fabric of the turban, sensing that the evil was hidden inside.

"Y-you're not Dumbledore!" The man squeaked, but then a new voice came, whispering out of the fabric.

"Of coursssse not, idiot." Ed stiffened at the sound, but didn't release his hold. "But why would the old fool put thisss one in charge?"

Eyes narrowed, the alchemist gritted his teeth. "That is none of your business." He stomped towards the door, the man stumbling with him to avoid being dragged. He opened the door and cast the man onto the steps. "Leave now and know that this school is protected."

 _Slam!_ Ed waited until the presence retreated before he allowed himself to relax, sinking down the wall beside the door. The tiny clanking sound alerted him to his automail, and when he looked down he found the prosthetic trembling. He used his other arm to hold it down, watching until it stopped shaking.

 _It wasn't that bad._ He thought, but the alchemist wasn't able to convince himself.

 _You've faced bigger_. And he had, but this…this had been different. Different in a way that made it so much worse. He had never been able to _sense_ the evil in someone– _something–_ else. Had that been anything like what Ling and Lanfan sensed in the homunculi?

He had known that hurting the man would have done nothing to the Evil, and the alchemist could only pray that the Thing would stay away, though he doubted it would believe his bluff for long. If it had at all.

But why had It come in the first place?

Footsteps sounded in the stairway, and Ed hurried back to his desk. He couldn't sense anything out of the ordinary, so he sat down and tried to look as if nothing had happened.

"Elric?" Minerva stepped into the office with a frown. "I just saw Quirrel sprinting across the grounds. Did he speak to you?"

"No…wait." _Was that…?_ "Purple robes, shifty eyes, suspicious turban?"

"Well, I don't know about _suspicious_ ," The witch moved to sit across from him. "otherwise yes."

Ed groaned and ran a hand through his hair. "Minerva, we're going to need a new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

The transfiguration teacher took one look at the alchemist's disturbed expression and nodded. "I think I know someone."

~~~v~~~

Fifteen minutes later, Ed stared at the moving picture Minerva had placed on the desk. There, grinning like a buffoon while attempting to flip his pitiful blond hair seductively, was a man the newspaper claimed was "the dream of every young witch and the terror of every nightmare."

"You want... _Gilderoy_ _Lockhart_ to replace Quirrel?"

The witch gave a sharp nod, "Most definitely."

Ed looked between the picture and his new mentor. He was just about to ask if Minerva was feeling ill when he caught the corner of her lips twitch. "I can see why." He kept his expression as neutral as he could manage while pointing at the fool's _literally_ _twinkling_ teeth. "With a smile like that, what wraith could even put up a fight?"

"Indeed." The professor nodded. "And his skills with new, inventive spells that sound to the untrained ear as complete gibberish are simply astounding."

He stroked his chin in mock consideration. "You know, Minerva, I'm beginning to think we should make him the new headmaster." The witch raised her eyebrows, her expression prompting the alchemist to continue. "The only problem I can imagine would be that the students would be too amazed by his presence to do anything less than worship the ground he walks on!"

Silence. Minerva's face twitched as she tried to hold back her laughter. Ed played his final card, putting the picture beside his own face. "What do you think, Minerva?" He gave his best attempt at a sickeningly sweet smile, thrust out his hips, and flipped his hair dramatically, "Can I ever be as handsome?"

 _CRASH!_ The pair spun around at the sound. There, standing stunned among the shattered remains of a crate of potions, was Snape. The potions master's eyes were wide and unfocused as he stumbled back to the door, fumbled for the handle, and hurriedly exited the room.

The second the door was closed Ed and Minerva burst out laughing.

"Did you see the look on his face?!" Ed laughed, holding his side as he pointed at where Severus had just been standing.

Minerva was laughing so hard that she was gasping by the time she was able to compose herself enough to respond. "I think- ha- that- ha- was probably because- ha ha- you still look like Dumbledore to him." This sent them both into an whole new fit of laughter, tears rolling down their faces as they sought the support of Ed's desk to stay standing.

"Hahaha! Hahaha. Haha. Ha. Heh. heh. Oh, ow. Please- hah- don't say anything else- hah-" Ed begged, his head pressed into his arm, "It hurts too much to- hah- laugh."

It took another ten minutes before the two were able to look at each other without falling into painful cackling, but eventually Ed wiped his eyes and looked down at the picture again.

"Whoooh. Okay. Just to make sure we're on the same page: we are NOT hiring this guy?"

"Merlin's beard, no!" Minerva replied immediately. "That man needs more instruction than the students!" The witch reached into the fold of her robes and pulled out a different folder. "This is the man we want."

"Is he qualified?" Ed took the parchment document and broke the seal.

Minerva nodded. "He has more experience than most with creatures of darkness, but it's the good head on his shoulders that qualifies him for the job over anything else."

"Sounds like a good man." Ed agreed, looking down at the file. "So then: when do I get to meet Mister Remus Lupin?"

* * *

a/n: Next chapter we'll go beyond the sections of Dumbledore Switch in Mixtape!


	3. As Long As Dumbledore's Gone

a/n: We are officially outside of Dumbledore Switch from Mixtape! Thank you guys for your favorites and follows. It's nice to know that people have an interest in this story. Special thanks to Joker Oak, APH Unicorn Demon, and JudyWho for your reviews!

Some of you may have noticed that Ed kicked Quirrel out before much could happen...yep. Ed isn't going to stand by while stupid stuff happens at Hogwarts. Make little Harry Potter solve the adult's problems? Why?

Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter or FMA, you would have heard about it by now

* * *

 **Chapter 3: As Long As Dumbledore's Gone**

"Sooo…what you're saying is Lupin would love to teach, but he hates my guts."

Minerva looked at him over her spectacles. "No, Edward. He hates _Albus._ Whom, it seems I must remind you, you are not."

The mist still clung to the gentle slope of the grounds as the pair made their way back to the castle, the light of dawn having just begun to filter through the clouds. It had taken them all night to convince Hagrid that Ed wasn't Dumbledore, but it had been necessary to make sure all of the teachers were aware of the situation before students arrived to eliminate any awkward confrontations. And, yes: technically Hagrid was just a staff member, but Minerva had insisted on the grounds that the half-giant was one of Dumbledore's closer friends. And possibly because if he found out any other way Hagrid would unintentionally cause a enormous scene.

Ed's ribs were sore, and he had the feeling that by morning he would be quite stiff with bruises. It seemed as if Hagrid was this world's version of Armstrong: once he had been utterly convinced that Ed was not, in fact, Dumbledore (no small thanks to the cool touch of automail in the groundkeeper's hand), he had been quick to do all in his power to "welcome" the young lad. Ed was very thankful _that_ ordeal was over, and he would be steering clear of Hagrid for a while just in case the man got it into his mind that Ed was in need of further hugs.

"Right." Ed gestured at his body, which still appeared absolutely normal to his own eyes. "And I guess I need to remind _you,_ that I just so happen to look like Dumbledore."

"We'll see about that." Minerva strode up the steps to the main entrance. "He at least agreed to come turn down the offer in person, and if anyone is able to tell you from Albus, it would be Remus."

"When is he coming?"

"Half an hour."

Ed froze halfway up the steps. "And you're only telling me now because…?"

Minerva didn't bother turning around to speak. "I would have told you earlier, but I wasn't expecting our visit with Hagrid to take nearly so long." She glanced back at the alchemist once she had reached the top of the staircase. "Well, don't just stand there! He could arrive at any minute!"

~o(0)o~

 _Alright. Remember: be civil, don't yell. Be civil, don't yell. Also no punching. No yelling and no punching. Be civil, Remus. You can do this._

Lupin knocked on the headmaster's door over an hour after the scheduled time for his appointment. After all, being civil did't exclude being petty _._

"Come in." Remus tried not to bristle at the headmaster's voice and entered the room with a mask of indifference pasted over his features. He would make this quick, leave Hogwarts, and not return until Dumbledore…retired? Left? Died?

Lupin accepted the seat Dumbledore offered. It was strange: in all the years Remus had known him, the headmaster never seemed to age a day. Even now, he looked exactly like he had the last time they had seen each other. Ten years ago. _Don't think about that._

"Prof–Albus." That was right. He wasn't entitled to show the ancient wizard any respect. Coming to refuse the offer to teach in person was as far as he would go to be polite. "As much as I appreciate any work I can find, I am not so desperate that I would teach here."

Dumbledore raised a single bushy eyebrow, his eyes twinkling from behind those irritating half-moon spectacles. "And why would that be? I can assure you that Hogwarts is as fine a facility to teach in as you are likely to find."

Lupin frowned. That wording was…odd. It wasn't as if this was his first time coming to Hogwarts, after all. What was the old man playing at? "Excuse me?"

Dumbledore took the question in stride, "Well, in addition to our locally-sourced Forbidden Forest…"

Remus tuned out most of what was being said, knowing the majority of the information from his own school years. As the headmaster droned on, sounding almost mechanical in his exposition, the werewolf found his attention drawn elsewhere. There was a scent to the office that had never been there before, while Dumbledore's own scent had grown fainter.

Lupin sniffed, trying to determine the odor's direction and owner, but just as he thought he had it, it disappeared. Twice more he sought it out, but each time the scent would slip behind Dumbledore's, hiding just before Remus could fully perceive it. What was going on? He had never encountered a smell that (not that he would admit it to anyone and risk sounding insane) displayed _sentience_.

"…which when one adds in the bonus of having the kitchens so close–"

"Who else is here?" Remus interrupted, caring less about whatever the hell kitchens had to do with teaching and more about whoever Dumbledore had assigned to watch him. And that was the only explanation Lupin could accept because Dumbledore _had_ to know the person was there. The old man had never failed to notice an intruder before–even when one was hiding with his friends under an invisibility cloak–and he would wager his career (what little there was left of it) that Dumbledore knew all about the hidden presence in his office.

Dumbledore, unruffled by the sudden intrusion into his rehearsed speech, spread his hands. "I assure you that we are the only ones present."

Lupin narrowed his eyes. He wasn't about to let the headmaster fool him into false security by a simple twist of words. "We?"

A small smile slipped it's way onto Dumbledore's lips. "Good catch. But no: just you and I."

Lupin tensed at the smile. Was the headmaster mocking him? "Cut the crap, Albus. Did you think I wouldn't notice?" Remus sniffed the air again, bristling as the scent continued to evade him. "I came here–on _good faith_ –to refuse your offer. But what do you do? Set someone to _spy_ on me? Don't even think about denying it– _I can_ ** _smell_** _him!"_

Dumbledore blinked. He blinked again. Then he lifted a trembling hand up to his mouth to unsuccessfully hide the ancient wizard's wide grin. Lupin's anger flared as he realized the headmaster's shoulders were shaking with barely restrained laughter.

"You think this is _funny?"_

Dumbledore had to choke back an undignified snort before taking several deep breaths and bringing his hand back to the desk top. "Oh, no. Not funny: absolutely hilarious. Minerva was right. This is almost as good as when Snape walked in on us."

"You– He– What?" Lupin had to take a moment to process that, then hastily banished the mental images from his mind, hopefully to never be seen again.

"Right. Best to get this over with quick, then." The headmaster stood and moved around to Lupin's side of the table. He held out a wrinkled right hand. "If you would."

Remus hesitated before taking the hand. The moment he touched Dumbledore, he knew something was wrong. Very wrong. Gone was the age-spotted flesh, replaced by the gleaming steel of a mechanical limb. Lupin made to jerk away, but the metal hand refused to release him, and the werewolf forced his eyes to follow the prosthetic up to its owner.

A golden braid rested across the shoulder of a glaring red cloak, which itself sat on top of a silver-trimmed black jacket. From beneath bangs of a similar color, molten gold eyes stared directly into Remus's own. Belatedly, Lupin realized that he could finally pinpoint the illusive scent. It was coming from the unfamiliar teen in front of him. This…this was most certainly not Dumbledore.

Still shaking his hand, the blond gave a slight dip of his head, as if acknowledging the fact that Remus could now see him for what he was. "Let's start over. My name is Edward Elric, I have no idea where Dumbledore is, and I would love to hire you."

"I…well…" Lupin wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. "Um…Dumbledore's gone?"

"Yep. That a problem?" Elric finally let go of his hand and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well…no." Now it was Lupin's turn to blink in surprise. "Actually…Does Professor McGonagall know?"

"This was her idea." Elric paused and cocked his head. "At least, hiring you was her idea. I'm fairly certain she has nothing to do with Dumbledore's disappearance."

Remus sat back in his chair. Here was a stranger, standing in Dumbledore's office, offering him a job as if nothing about the last fifteen minutes was in any way out of the ordinary. Was he supposed to feel angry? That was what he had been prepared to feel when he walked in the door. Now he was just…excited?

No, this was more familiar than excitement. This was something he had felt before for barely a decade of his life. The best ten years of his life. The years he spent with James and Sirius. This was– _Merlin, this is an adventure, isn't it? Some hair-brained scheme behind Dumbledore's back while the whole school watches as unwitting spectators?_

"Well?" Elric's hand was once again hovering in the air, waiting for Lupin to decide to take it.

This time it was Remus who smiled. "Pleasure to meet you, Edward." He clasped Edward's metal hand. "I'm Remus Lupin, and seeing Dumbledore isn't here, I'd love to accept your offer."


	4. No Snape, No Stripping, No service

a/n: Hello again! Thank you all for your follows, favorites, and supportive reviews: it means the world to me that people read these stories and are willing to help me improve them.  
Someone mentioned Ed encountering horcruxes... yeah, Ed's going to have a field day with Tom's pitiful attempts at immortality.

But on with the story!

Quick Key:  
~~~v~~~ = time skip  
~o(0)o~ = change in viewpoint

* * *

 **Chapter 4: No Snape, No Stripping, No service**

It turned out that Minerva had been right about Lupin: the man was a marvel when it came to Defense Against the Dark Arts. While Ed was glad to have found Lupin and convinced him to teach on such a short notice, he discovered soon enough that Minerva had… _forgotten_ to mention a few details about their newest teacher.

Ed noticed the first problem during the start of term feast. Or rather, the first three problems. One was named Severus Snape, the other was called Remus Lupin, and the last was the grudge of undying hatred between the two. The two teachers had unknowingly sat next to each other as the students trickled in. Curse their stubborn pride that made them refuse to move to a different seat until the other did. It only served to give Ed a headache as the pair began a subtle prank war during the Sorting Ceremony. Or at least it was subtle to the students–from the head of the table Ed had a full view of everything that was going on.

"Abbott, Hannah!"

As Remus went to clap for the new Hufflepuff, a swift kick under the table made him yelp in surprised pain.

"Bones, Susan!"

When Snape reached for one of the fruit bowls that had been set out for the staff members, Lupin twitched his wand and the bowl of apples scooted away from the potion master's fingertips.

"Boot, Terry!"

Lupin, victorious in keeping the fruit away from Snape, snatched an apple from the bowl and held it up in exaggerated appreciation. He sent a small grin Severus's way before biting into the apple…only to find that it had been transfigured into an onion.

"Brown, Lavender!"

Snape made sure he was turned away towards the Slytherin table as Remus turned to glare at him. Which is why he failed to notice the slight flick of Lupin's wand, or to see his goblet tipping over in time to prevent pumpkin juice spilling into his lap.

"Bulstrode, Millicent!"

Now it was Remus's turn to look the other way as Severus whipped around to send a scathing glare at the other man. Not really the wisest choice considering what had just happened when Snape had done the same. A whispered spell later and Lupin was attempting to discreetly scratch his back as the result of a rather inconveniently placed itching hex.

"Finch-Fletchley, Justin!"

By his time, both men looked as if they were seconds away from getting rid of the subtlety and going for an all-out duel in the middle of the Great Hall. Maybe on another day Ed would have let them, but Minerva had told Ed to watch for a 'Harry Potter,' and it was impossible to watch for anyone with those two duking it out for Alpha male. He was not about to disobey Minerva McGonagall.

 _Clap_. The small sound went unnoticed by the students, but Remus and Severus suddenly found themselves pushed painfully into the table as their chairs scooched themselves forward. They gasped as the air was momentarily nocked out of them, and, when they found they were unable to scooch back, sent each other a glare that blamed them for whatever had happened.

" _Behave."_ Ed hissed, and the two looked at him in surprise…before pointing fingers at each other like children. "No, I don't _care_ who started it, but if you don't stop I'll get Professor McGonagall to–"

The pair immediately stopped struggling against their seats and began watching the Sorting Ceremony with far more enthusiasm than was required.

~~~v~~~

Of course, there was a second thing Minerva forgot to mention, which might have been the _tiniest_ bit important: Remus Lupin was a werewolf.

On the night of the full moon, Ed was on his way to Lupin's room after McGonagall had told him Remus was looking for him. Actually, looking back on it, Ed realized Minerva had withheld information for the purpose of forming this exact scenario.

Ed raised a fist to knock on Lupin's door, but before he could, he spotted a silver figure gliding down the hall. _Is that…? Crap! It's Peeves._

Lucky for the alchemist (because Peeves never seemed to tire of tormenting him about his height), it only required a small clap to create a passageway into Remus's room. Ed stepped through, and another clap closed the opening behind him. He hoped that the ghost hadn't spotted him, otherwise Peeves would simply phase through the wall to follow him.

"Edward?!" Remus yelped from behind him.

Ed turned to face Lupin with an exasperated sigh. "I've told you a thousand times: it's Ed, not…Ed…ward…" The alchemist blinked. "…WHY THE HELL ARE YOU STRIPPING?" Because really, how was he supposed to react when he saw a fellow teacher in the middle of removing his pants?

Lupin gave an unmanly squeak and scrambled to pull a discarded robe off of a chair to cover himself. "I-It's not like I asked you to stare! What are you even doing here?"

"I– I–" Ed frowned as he tried to gather his thoughts. What had he been…oh, right. Minerva. "Professor McGonagall told me you wanted to see me, but–" The alchemist let his gaze wander to the pile of clothes tossed haphazardly on the floor. "I guess you weren't expecting company?"

"Um, no."

 _Well, this is awkward._

"Sooo…" Ed shuffled his feet as he tried to think of something to say that wouldn't increase the tension. "Do you normally strip in the middle of the room?" Needless to say, he failed.

"No, only–" The ten o'clock bell rang in the distance, and Ed realized that the sky had grown dark outside the room's windows. Lupin jumped at the sound and shook his head, eyes wide. "You need to get out of here!"

Ed backed away as the wizard rushed towards him in an effort to push him towards the door. "What? Why? If this is about discovering your weird hobby, I swear I won't tell Severus."

"It's not that! You just need to leave noWOOooO!" The end of Lupin's sentence changed into a strained howl, and the man stumbled backwards.

"Remus?" Ed went to offer help but stopped, caught in a mixture of confusion and horror as Lupin's body began to change. Limbs snapped and reformed, and coarse hair sprouted from previously pale skin. The transformation stretched and pulled against the fabric of the robe until the garment tore apart with a mighty rip.

The alchemist stared at the black cloth as it fell to the floor, a small voice in the back of his mind reminding him that it might be a better idea to pay attention to the newly-transformed wolf. "…So that's why you were stripping."

* * *

a/n: We have two-ish more chapters left in this "arc" of the story, at which point the updates will stop until I finish the next arc and then the next (each should encompass roughly one HP year). Thanks for reading!


	5. Mirror Mirror

a/n: Well...crap. I must have really spaced out when I uploaded this because I forgot to add any of the normal stuff at the beginning. I don't even really remember updating... huh, colds really mess with my head.  
 _Any_ way, you guys have been great. Thank you for all of your support! There's only one more chapter (the longest one by _far_ ) left in this arc, and then we reach Chamber of Secrets!

 **Quick Key:**  
~~~v~~~ = time skip  
~o(0)o~ = Change in POV

* * *

 **Chapter 5: Mirror Mirror**

Remus stood up from his position leaning against the corridor wall as Ed closed the door to Snape's rooms. "How'd it go?"

Ed rolled his eyes. "Marvelous. You should have seen it: he actually managed to say Potter's name without glaring ominously in the direction of Gryffindor Tower."

"Ha ha. But really: how'd it go?"

"I think we made some progress." Ed's hands found their way into his jacket pockets as he and Remus began the walk out of the dungeons. "Once I reminded him that Potter turned in his potion's essay late not because he wanted the attention but because Severus had moved up the due date, it was relatively smooth sailing. He just needed to realize Harry is more than his parents."

Lupin's eyebrows shot up. "Really? That is progress. See, I told you it would be better if I didn't come in this time."

"And I will still insist that it made no difference. He might not see you as a friend, Remus, but he sure as hell doesn't see you as an enemy anymore."

The werewolf shrugged. "Maybe. Still doesn't change the fact it took Severus a year to let go of a long-standing grudge with an eleven year-old."

"Hey, we all have our problems–" Ed paused. They had just passed a door that the alchemist could of sworn hadn't been open on their way to Snape's. He pointed at the door hanging open just a crack, "Hey, was this…?"

Lupin glanced around the hall to get his bearings and them back at the door. The wizard shook his head silently as he reached for his wand. Ed nodded and drew the stick Dumbledore had left him.

" _On three:"_ Ed mouthed, " _One…Two…"_ On three, the alchemist pushed the door open and slipped quietly into the room, Lupin gliding in at his back.

Would it be a teacher? Student? One of Hagrid's strangely dangerous pets?

Nope.

 _Well this was just great,_ Ed thought. Here he and Lupin had finally convinced Snape that the Potter kid wasn't all that bad, and what do they find? A pajama-wearing Harry Potter out of bed, past curfew, sitting on the floor in an abandoned room. If Ed wasn't frustrated that the kid might undo all of his and Remus's hard work, he might have found the scene more than a little creepy. Why was the kid staring so intently at a mirror?

"Harry?" Lupin beat him to the punch, softly calling the child's name. "What are you doing here?"

Harry whipped around and scrambled to stand up. "Professors! I– um…" There were dark circles under his eyes, and the skin around them was slightly puffy as if the child had been crying.

"You should head back to bed, kid." Ed nodded towards the door. The kid needed sleep more than any comfort he or Remus could offer at the moment. "Filch is two floors down in the third corridor, so if you avoid him you should be fine."

"Thanks." Harry shot him a shaky smile of relief to have avoided punishment, but as he reached the door, he turned back and pointed at the mirror. "Professor Dumbledore, what is that mirror?"

Ed raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

Harry took a deep breath and his eyes wandered between the alchemist and the mirror. "I can see my parents in it."

Lupin drew in a sharp breath but kept his face controlled for the kid's sake. "Go to bed, Harry. We can talk in the morning before the Hogwarts Express takes you home for the summer."

Ed waited until the door closed and the sound of Harry's footsteps faded into the distance before turning on Lupin. "His parents?" The alchemist knew by now that Harry had been orphaned at a young age and that Remus had been close friends with both of the boy's parents. This wasn't something to be taken lightly.

Lupin squared his shoulders, giving a short, "I'll check," as he strode towards the mirror…only to take an involuntary step back as he caught sight of the reflection.

"What is it?" Ed moved to stand next to him. When he saw what awaited him, the alchemist barely managed to stay on his feet. "Al…"

And it wasn't just Al staring out at him from the mirror, armor gone and amber eyes shining with happiness–it was Winry and Granny and Teacher and Mustang and…and…

Ed nearly choked in disbelief. "M-mom?"

She smiled at him, happy and serine and completely contradicting his age-old nightmares of her face twisting into a mask of monstrous hate that screamed at him for all of his mistakes. No, this was not a nightmare. This was _her_ as she was. Wait, no, as she had been. She was dead. She was dead. She was–

Was she really? Here she was, within reach, only asking that he would stay with her. And he would. He would stay here for– for– for however long she wanted if only he could see her and Alphonse smiling at him in the way he had always known they deserved. He–

"Ed!" The shout accompanied by a rough hand shaking his shoulders jolted Ed out of his thoughts, and he reluctantly pulled his gaze away from the mirror.

"What?"

Lupin bowed his head in relief. "Oh thank Merlin _._ I've been trying to snap you out for nearly ten minutes!"

Ed shook his head to clear away the fogginess of his thoughts. _When had his mind become so clouded?_ "I…ten minutes?"

"You were staring at that thing and I couldn't get you to move– No! don't look back at it!" Remus pulled him to the side when Ed's gaze wandered back towards the mirror. The alchemist allowed himself to be led to a nearby desk–one of many that sat in the abandoned classroom. "What did you see?"

~o(0)o~

"What did you see?" Lupin sat down on the desk opposite Ed. He was still reeling from the images in the mirror: Lily, James, and Sirius standing behind him with calm smiles and cheeky grins. It had been so long since they had been together. So long since James and Lilly had been killed and Sirius accused of their murder.

Ed gave a shaky laugh and rubbed a hand over his eyes. "Not Harry's parents. I saw, well, I saw my brother. And my mom." Ed's tone was final, and Remus knew enough about alchemist's situation not to press further.

"I saw them too." Lupin volunteered. When Ed's eyes widened, the werewolf was quick to correct his words. "Harry's parents, I mean. I saw my friends as they were before…" Remus shook his head and refused to let himself think back to The Night, instead redirecting all of his focus into telling Ed what he had seen. "James, Lily…and Sirius."

Ed frowned, and Lupin knew that he was trying to figure out where he had heard that name before. Remus had often told the alchemist about his adventures with James, Lily, and even Peter, but he had always shied away from mentioning Sirius. It wasn't shame that stopped him– no, he would _never_ be ashamed of his friend. Remus knew that Sirius would never have joined Voldemort, knew that despite the Black blood flowing through his veins he would never harm the Potters, but still the world had cast Sirius aside. For so long, Sirius had been the only living friend Remus had left, and they hadn't even talked for ten years.

"Who's Sirius?"

Remus shifted in his seat, biting his lip as he looked anywhere in the room _but_ Ed. "He…" He could trust Ed. He could trust the only true friend he had made since Sirius's imprisonment. Even now, the alchemist's golden eyes were focused entirely on Lupin's face, not even flicking towards the mirror that held the family Ed so dearly missed.

"He's my best friend, and–" The werewolf took a deep breath, pulling in the air to steady himself and forcing the air out again to strengthen his resolve. "–and you and I are going to break him out of Azkaban."

~o(0)o~

Bonus:

He couldn't get on the train. He didn't want to go back.

"Potter?"

Harry shoved his thoughts into the back of his mind and looked up to find Dumbledore standing behind him. "Did you enjoy your year?"

Harry thought back and grinned. Though it had been mostly uneventful, it had been the best year of his life. Not only did he have friends, but one of the teachers had even been friends with his parents! "If I could, I would never leave." He couldn't quite manage to keep the wistfulness out of his tone, and Dumbledore's eyes briefly narrowed before going back to their usual twinkle.

"You'll be back before you know it." The headmaster said with a smile, turning to wade through the crowd of students.

Right. Only a few months until school would start up again. Harry could put up with the Dursleys until then.


	6. Prison Break

a/n: Another week, another chapter! Here is the conclusion to the first arc of Hello My Name Is. There'll be a temporary hiatus while I complete the rest of the second arc (to ensure a regular posting schedule).

Thanks again to all of you who are following, favoriting, or have submitted a review: they're all great encouragements!

Quick Key:  
~~~v~~~ = Time Skip  
~o(0)o~ = Change in View Point

* * *

 **Chapter 6: Prison break**

"Dumbles. What a pleasant surprise." Sirius drawled from the floor of his cell, barely lifting his head from where he lay on his back to look at the headmaster. "Funny seeing you here. Falsely imprison anyone else?"

It was dank, dark, and the ripened smell of unwashed bodies floated through the air punctuated by the occasional mad babble in the aftermath of a dementor visit. All in all a regular day in Azkaban. At least until Albus Dumbledore had seen fit to stick his obscenely large nose into Sirius's cell block.

After letting him stew in Azkaban for eleven years, the decrepit old man had the _gall_ to ignore him, instead turning to the warden. "He seems perfectly sane, albeit a little resentful."

The warden opened his mouth to speak, but Sirius wasn't about to let that happen.

"Resentful? _Resentful?"_ He sat up, propping his chin in his palm as he allowed his tangled hair to drop over his eyes. Sirius rocked back and forth gently, willing to endure the uncomfortable way his prominent bones rubbed against the stone if it meant unnerving Dumbledore. "How could I possibly _resent_ you, Dumbles? It's not as if I was stripped of my human rights, thrown into a hellhole, and believed to have murdered two of my best friends all without a proper trial…oh,"

Sirius abruptly stopped rocking and peered from behind his bangs with wide eyes that stared at nothing. "Oh, oh, oh _wait_ …" A hand crept up to grip the threadbare shirt over his heart. "Look at that, Dumbles: it's _not_ resentment." He did his best impression of a delighted house elf as he flicked his gaze to meet the headmaster's. "I actually. Bloody. Hate. Your _guts!"_

The warden took a step back at the insanely wide grin Sirius gifted Dumbledore. Black looked remarkably similar to Lestrange…He coughed to hide his momentary lapse. "See, Sir? Completely mental."

"Hmm." Dumbledore, having irritatingly little reaction to Sirius's display, turned to look at the other guards. "Could I have a moment alone with the prisoner?"

The warden frowned. "Now, Headmaster, I'm afraid protocol demands that we–"

"Oh, you wouldn't have to go far. To the end of the hallway should be good. You can watch us if you need, but I feel safe that Black will do me no harm." Dumbledore smiled cheerfully and made a shooing gesture with one hand. "Go on. You concern is noted."

"I- um- but-"

The twinkle in the headmaster's eyes grew steely.

"Yes, Sir."

Sirius watched Dumbledore's face as the guards retreated, searching for a clue to what game the crafty old man might be playing this time. "Surely you haven't traveled all this way just to taunt me."

"No." Dumbledore threw one last glance over his shoulder, and seeing that the guards were now stationed at the end of the hall, moved closer to the bars. "Just the opposite. How do you feel about escaping?"

Sirius choked. " _What?"_ He reeled backwards. That was not what he had expected Dumbledore to say. Not even close. "So what, suddenly I'm not an insane murderer to feed to the Ministry radicals?"

"I never said you were."

Sirius gave a bitter chuckle and shook his head. "Oooh, no. Don't try to lie to me now– I _heard_ you in the court room, remember?"

Dumbledore cocked his head. "Nope."

"But–!"

The protest was cut off as the headmaster suddenly pressed himself to the bars, catching Sirius's arm in a tight fist. "I'm not Dumbledore."

Sirius could only watch as the ridiculous robes and trailing white beard melted into a young, chiseled face with eyes of molten gold. Fitted black leather replaced Dumbledore's usual clothes, and the grip holding Sirius's arm was unnaturally strong beneath the new man's white gloves.

"I–"

"We don't have much time to talk." The man released his arm, allowing Sirius to fall back to the floor, though his eyes never left his face. "Remus thinks you can get past the dementors in your animagus form. Wait another couple of days for the signal, then try to escape." A small pencil was withdrawn from an inner pocket of the blond's jacket, and Sirius could only watch mutely as the young man sketched out a circle full of strange runes. "I have another one of these out–"

Sirius shifted through the sudden flood of information. "Wait, Remus? Remus sent you?"

The blond rolled his eyes. "Of course, Dumbass. What, you thought a stranger was going to break you out of here without a reason?" The man didn't wait for Sirius's answer. "The rest of the information is in– Would you like a crossword?"

The pencil and a magazine was shoved through the bars and into Sirius's hands. "Wha-?"

"Very kind of you, Headmaster." At the sound of the warden's voice, Sirius tensed, looking between the strange blond and the warden who was sure to notice any moment that Dumbledore was…But the warden just waited patiently as the man stood and dusted off his knees. Was the warden blind?

"Not at all, my good warden. I think we're done here."

The warden nodded and began to lead the blond away. Just before they turned the corner, the blond looked back and _winked_ at Sirius. Then they were gone.

Sirius stared at the crumpled crossword in his hands.

"Well…here goes nothing."

~o(0)o~

Lupin paced around the small, drafty room, his impatience drowning out the sound of the raging storm outside. Ever so often, the man would plop down in one of the hard wooden chairs around the cabin's driftwood dining table and huff out an exasperated sigh. A minute later, and without fail the wizard would be striding across the room as he envisioned everything that could possibly go wrong with their plan.

They had rented out a small shack on a rock sticking out of the ocean in the middle of nowhere to serve as their based of operations while planning to break Sirius out. The unending torrents of rain beyond the thin wooden walls were a testament to how near the island lay to Azkaban. Really, they wouldn't have even known it was there if Hagrid hadn't mentioned it as a "nice, secluded, cabin at sea owned by some muggles: really the only reason the Ministry ever let 'em get so close to Azkaban."

When they had paid and apparated to the forsaken black rock, both Lupin and Ed had realized just how optimistic Hagrid truly was. The ramshackle two-story deathtrap looked like it could be sent crashing into the sea at the slightest wave, never mind withstand the ten-footers beating at all time against the (alarmingly near) shore. The only sign of human habitation within the last decade was a discarded shotgun in one corner, but even that was broken (most likely with magic judging by the curled barrel).

"None of the guards will notice Ed. They can't see him unless they– what if they touch his automail?!" Lupin very nearly ran out the door to warm Ed before he stopped himself. "No, no Ed wears gloves. He said he won't take then off until he finds Sirius."

The wizard sank into a nearby chair. "And he'll find him. The guards will keep the dementors away. Ed won't even need to use the Patronus charm we worked on."

The wind lashed at the walls and brought more rain to bear against the lonely shack.

"And when Ed gets to him, he'll explain the plan and give him the instructions and– oh, Merlin what if it's true and he's gone insane?" He was back up and pacing, worn leather shoes tracing and retracing their tracks across the unyielding stone. "Sirius can't be insane. He's– He's _Sirius Bloody Black_ , you daft man, and he wouldn't let happiness-eating soul-sucking monsters that hang around him through every waking moment get…to…him." Lupin trail off, so caught in the hopeless train of thought that he didn't hear Ed coming in until the alchemist closed and bolted the door behind him.

 _Click_

Remus spun around, and when he saw Ed standing there in his blond, sopping wet glory he rushed towards him, latching on to the soaked red fabric of his cloak. "Ed did you find him? Whole? The dementor's crossword or an insane patronus? You got the gloves– wait, no, the dog message?"

Bewildered golden eyes took in the wizard's pale and anxious face as he tried to puzzle through exactly what he was being asked. "Uh…can I take my coat off–"

Why couldn't Ed understand how urgent this was? "IS SIRIUS BLACK SANE?!"

Ed's flesh hand clamped down firmly on Remus's shoulder, and the alchemist forced Lupin to look him in the eye. "Calm down, Remus. Sirius is fine. A little on the skinny side and definitely bitter, but definitely _sane._ "

Remus's knees trembled as relief washed over him, taking away the tension that had been growing since he had set foot on this twice-cursed island. He searched Ed's face again, just to make sure he wasn't bending the truth. Remus found no lie.

" _You_ , on the other hand," Ed smirked as he led Lupin over to the deflated couch by the low-burning hearth. "Seem like you went off the deep end in what, six? seven hours I was gone? What is this about a 'dementor's crossword'?"

Lupin scrubbed his face between his palms. "Nothing. Nothing now." _Sirius is not insane. I can still make things right_. "When did you say the circle would be ready?"

~o(0)o~

Sirius had to admit, when the man had told him to watch for a signal, the animagus had expected something a little more…flashy. Especially after decoding the message.

 _Signal_

 _Dog_

 _Left_

 _Right_

 _Repeat_

 _Up_

 _Left_

 _Roof_

 _Explosions_

 _Ignore_

 _Quidditch_

 _Dragon_

 _Muggle_

Sirius had decided that the last few answers were simply filler, especially when _Dumbledore_ fit perfectly in the space for "ten-letter word for magical jerk face." It had been three days since the strange visit, an hour of which was taken to work out the crossword–meaning the rest of the days were spent in absolute boredom. Strangely, it was only with the chance of escape that his opinion of his dirty little cell had gone from grudging acceptance back to the same impatience he had felt during his first few years in Azkaban.

 _Bzzt_.

Sirius glanced up from his cot. The hastily sketched circle near the bars had begun to spit out blue sparks, runes aglow with an inner light. Making sure the crossword was firmly tucked into his clothes (wouldn't want the guards to find _that_ ), Sirius took a deep breath and shifted into his canine form. The dog fur weighed heavily from so long without transformation, but the animagus could deal with that a little bit longer. He was finally leaving.

Around the circle, the stone floor rose in a small mound, pushing against the bars. Where the stone touched the enchanted metal, more sparks jumped onto the bars, dancing around them as the metal slowly twisted away to form a hole just large enough for Sirius to slip through. Mission accomplished, the ground sank back and the sparks fizzled out.

 _That was the signal, right?_ Sirius waited for something else. Maybe running guards? A crack team lead by Remus to break him out? At least the explosions mentioned in the crossword?

Silence.

The dog stuck his head out the hole in the bars. _No guards_.

He trotted out of his cell for the first time in years, his nails clacking on the stone floor as he padded down the hallway. _Left._

No guards again. _Right. Repeat: left, then right again._

Sirius froze as he turned the corner into the stairway. Hovering in the air, still as death, was a dementor. _Crap crap crap, what do I– wait…I don't feel anything._

Even only a few feet away, the normal overwhelming despair that saturated the air around the dementor was gone. Sirius didn't feel bad at all. _Well would you look at that…_

The dog kept a wary eye on the dementor as he edged closer to the stairs, but the unnatural creature continued floating as if Sirius wasn't even there. As soon as the animagus reached the steps he raced up them two at a time, only allowing himself to glance back once he had reached the top. The dementor hadn't moved.

 _Left…aw,_ _really_ _?_ This time he had rounded the corner to see a fully manned guard's station. The last staircase to the roof lay at the opposite end of the hall, and even if the dementor hadn't seen him, the wizards wouldn't be so blind–

 _KABOOM!_ The whole prison trembled from the force of the explosion, the guards began shouting orders and spells as they ran to the problem. Seeing his chance in all of the chaos, Sirius kept to the wall of the corridor and smoothly slipped past the last of the panicked guardsmen.

 _What did they do?_ Smaller, more concentrated explosions could still be heard from below, and the crash of stone tumbling into the ocean was unmistakable after spending eleven years spent watching the waves.

Nudging the door at the top of the stairwell, Sirius finally found himself on the roof. The glorious feeling of fresh air through his hair and cool rain on his snout overwhelmed him for a moment, and he was almost tempted to change back to human to revel in the full experience. When his senses returned to him and he spotted the various dementors floating in the sky, Sirius was glad he had stayed as a dog.

 _What am I supposed to do now?_

More blue sparks drew his attention to the corner of the roof. Trotting over, the canine peered over the edge…

 _Never in a million years._

A stone slide ran down the edge of the building, slick with rain and very nearly perpendicular to the ground. The distance was great enough that Sirius couldn't see the bottom, but that didn't really matter if he never went down. Which he didn't plan on. Was Remus trying to rescue him or aid in a suicide attempt?

Barely having begun to back away–if he was getting rescued they were going to have to do it a different way–yet another explosion rocked the building. Aided by the slippery roof and strong winds, the trembling was just enough to force the animagus to stumble off the edge.

 _I'M GOING TO KILL REMUS IF I LIVE I'M GOING TO KILL REMUS IF I LIVE I'M GOING TO–_

It was fortunate that dogs couldn't speak, otherwise all of Azkaban would have heard Sirius's string of violent cursing as the slide swept him down into the darkness and the sea.

~~~v~~~

"-ink he's waking up."

"How can you tell? He's been shifting around for the last hour."

The darkness that surrounded him was surprisingly warm, and Sirius allowed himself to snuggle deeper into the soft fabric surrounding him.

"Definitely waking up. He did the exact same thing on winter mornings when we were at school." The voice was familiar, and Sirius felt a sense of fondness stir within him. This was a nice dream. It had Remus in it. He hadn't had one of those for a while–

"Remus?" Sirius forced his eyes open. Most likely it would make the dream end, but the wizard was willing to chance it for a glimpse of his friend's face.

"Sirius!" Oh, but this was an amazing dream. Remus was kneeling next to him, back to the flickering fireplace, an expectant and hopeful light dancing in the werewolf's bright eyes. Then Remus was leaning forward to hug him and it was all Sirius could do to avoid flinching away, knowing that surely _this_ would make the illusion vanish.

But the arms around him were strong.

They pulled him into a crushing hug, pressing their chests together so hard that Sirius could feel Remus's heartbeat through their clothes. This had never happened in a dream before.

"Remus?" He asked again, more hesitant this time. _If this isn't…_

Remus pulled away instantly, holding him at arm's length. "What's wrong? Are you hurt somewhere? I _knew_ we should have had one of us up there to help you down the slide!" His friend turned to look at someone to the side, "Ed, go get some bandages."

 _Slide?_ Sirius turned to see who this "Ed" might be, and found the strange blond from the…prison break. Sirius choked as the memories came back to him, the air rushing out as the realization that he was _free_ came rushing in. They had busted him out. He was out he was out _he was out hewasout!_

"Sirius? _Sirius?_ Breath, you need to breath. Can you focus? Look at me. Sirius!"

The animagus took a shaking breath and raised his gaze to meet Remus's. He cracked a small smile. "Hear you loud and clear, Moony. Mind turning down the volume a bit?"

Remus nodded and looked back to Ed. "Bandages?" He reminded.

"We wold have noticed anything wrong the first dozen times we checked him over, Remus. I think he just needs time to get his bearings."

 _Right. Bearings._ Sirius swept his gaze around the room. _Fireplace. Table full of supplies. Chair. Another chair. Ed and Remus._ He bounced a little. _Couch beneath me._

"Where…?"

Ed grinned, his molten eyes glimmering in the dim light of the fire. "A Truth-forsaken rock in the middle of nowhere. Still, gotta be better than Azkaban."

Sirius nodded numbly. He wrestled one of his pale hands out from under his blankets and held it out to Ed. "Sirius Black. I don't think I've managed to thank you yet."

The blond hesitated for a moment before gently accepting the offer with his right hand. Sirius's eyes widened at the sight of the metal fingers, especially when they seemed to move every bit as freely as a normal hand. "Edward Elric, and no thanks are needed. Welcome back."

Remus rolled his eyes, settling a hand on Sirius's shoulder as he corrected the strange blond, "Welcome home."


End file.
